UCI LGBT Resource Center

Coming Out Story 3

Section 1

Throughout my childhood I was a tomboy. I didn't own Barbies nor did I host tea parties. Most of my time was spent outside, running, playing basketball, riding bikes- all with the neighborhood boys. During my elementary school years I gathered a reputation for being both very athletic and somewhat competitive. I never really had much of a desire to hang out with the girls, mostly because I was very active and enjoyed playing sports, which was not something that the girls usually did.

When middle school came around, my ambitions had not changed much. I still wanted to play sports and wrestle with the guys, but for some strange reason, I felt that things had changed. All of the sudden, people stopped using recess for physical activity, and instead began writing the rules of exclusion, which helped them to define their "click". Being the jock that I was, I never really had a popularity problem. Basically, I could slip into any of the little social circles without much fuss. However, when most of the conversations began shifting toward notions of dating and the opposite sex, I didn't ever find myself engaged.

This boredom that surrounded dating was the backdrop for most of my high school experience. I didn't really care about being with anybody. I did find some men to be attractive, but I only found myself wanting to hang out, laugh, and participate in outdoor activities (fishing, hiking, skiing...etc).

Before attending college, I never really entertained the idea of allowing myself to find women attractive. Ironically, I frequently recall interactions with guys to be much easier than interactions with girls, which might have been a suggestive indicator of my queer sexuality- the "butterflies in the stomach" effect. Either way, I began allowing myself to look at women in a different way, in a more affectionate way.

After exploring my sexuality, I found myself in a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend. Being somewhat of a private person, I told only my close friends about how I felt. I did not make attempts to hide my sexuality. Considering that I did not care much about dating, I was never in situations that reviled my orientation. However, as our relationship blossomed I found myself "hiding" my girlfriend from my family by omitting her mention. At this point, I knew that it was time to tell them. Seeing as my parents lived about 4 hours away, I decided I would need to take a weekend trip up north to tell them.

My parents were currently out of town when I decided to go up to visit. They told me they would be coming back Saturday afternoon. I told them I would be coming to visit, and that I was going to bring Nicole...my "friend". Nicole and I spent Friday evening and Saturday morning at my parent's house. In the afternoon, we decided to do some grocery shopping for dinner. While we were out, my parents called to see where we were and what we doing. At this time I told them that Nicole and I were going to make dinner, and that we would be home shortly. Before hanging up the phone, I paused and told them I wanted them to know that...Nicole was my girlfriend.

At this point, my mom became upset and started to cry. In her defense, her emotional state was partially due to a family member's health, which was declining. Either way, over the course of 20 minutes and 3 phone calls back and forth, I told her I was upset and that we were going to drive back down to Irvine. I never saw them that day. I was upset, uncomfortable, and couldn't stop crying. By this time it was early in the evening. Nicole started driving us back toward Irvine, until she became tired and couldn't drive anymore. I was already fast asleep by the time we pulled into a parking lot around 1am. We slept in the car until I woke, which was around 3:30am. Then I jumped in the driver's seat and drove us the rest of the way home.